Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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