tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
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I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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