He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im six kinds of drunk right now
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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