Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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