And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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