youre lurking in front of me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
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I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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