every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
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I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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