I think I died a long time ago.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize