the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize