birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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