its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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