my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
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He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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