She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drunk is a universal language darling
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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