I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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