Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Less talking, more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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