i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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