So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize