btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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