The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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