Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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