Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
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do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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