just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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