Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
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you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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