True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize