my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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