Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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