I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize