his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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