someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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