I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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