that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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