I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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