Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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