Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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