somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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