Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize