i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
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I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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