I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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