I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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