I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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