i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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