God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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