Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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