Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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