I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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