I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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