Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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