Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i think im in europe. pls send help
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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