evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
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That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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