First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
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Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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